deLish Artesian Water 1L Bottle ($1.99)
The face of the large clear bottle deLish comes in boasts two selling points: a naturally balanced 7.6pH and 0% Iron. This water contains 0% of literally an infinite amount of ingredients so a special “shout out” to iron suggests a guilty conscience. How little iron is allowed to exist in order to be rounded to 0%?
Lifting the cap I immediately recognize trace scents of hospital
hallway. I recently visited a friend getting surgery at NYU
Presbyterian, so rest assured this smell is fresh in my mind and
unmistakable.
The first sip provided me with all necessary information. It seems my tongue is more finely calibrated than deLish’s lab equipment because I distinctly recognize at least .026-.031% iron. This is of course a non-lethal amount and does not negatively effect the taste. The aftertaste, however, is absolutely putrid. “Flavors” range from gutter residue to a bus floor. The iron content is not this water’s downfall but it is a key indicator in the companies flawed organization and quality control.
The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 1.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.
This water is not recommended for human consumption. Recommended
alternative uses include attempting to dissolve a “rat king,” skipping
stones (as their packaging properly suggests), and disrespecting a
national flag via super soaker.
