Just The Basics 500mL Bottle ($2.99 for 24)
Just The Basics is about as cheap as bottled water can get. At $2.99 for a 24 pack at your local CVS, even the poorest homeless child can now afford to stop bathing in tap water like some sort of animal. As for drinking, that we shall find out.
As their name suggests, Just The Basics is claiming to throw away all the frills and tassels that most water companies throw in as luxuries and offer pure, simple, water. Nothing more, nothing less. The bottle is the most generic shape available and the label looks as though it was created using MS Paint and a 1997 Hewlett-Packard printer for a school project.
Whats inside is the most shocking. This water tastes as though it is supposed to get me intoxicated. Perhaps that is why a shot glass is portrayed on the label. I waited some time before taking another sip to make sure I would not ‘overdose.’ I monitor my health carefully as being a professional water aficionado has it’s risks of contamination. After feeling no inebriating effects I will brush health risks aside but if I am to be found deceased in my quarters, I urge the authorities to raid JTB’s facilities. Sometimes you get what you paid for, and other times you get something they should have paid you for. This water feels like an amateur science experiment and although at first glance, Just the Basics seems cheap, it is quite expensive considering how much THEY should be paying their consumers in order to conduct this sick Nazi research.
The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 0.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.
This water is a crime and should not be consumed by any self respecting free thinker. If you have already purchased it, some alternative uses are a waterslide at a mental institution, hydrogen extraction, and filling water glasses for delusional subway performers to play Christmas songs on.
