The Water Connoisseur


The Water Connoisseur is an Oxford graduate with a double concentration in hydrology and fluid dynamics. I live, breathe, eat, and drink water. This blog is my review of various bottled and freshwater sources; I have a trained palate capable of recognizing the subtle nuances that each source of water encompasses and have decided to share my abilities with the world. You are welcome, and please enjoy.




Created by @HardcoreBoris

PurAqua Spring Water .5L Bottle ($1.65)

I am unfortunately getting quite bored of these typical bottles but will review nonetheless. You want this and you will get it. PurAqua looks like a plain water, in a plain bottle, with a plain label.  The only thing that could take me out of this ennui is the remote possibility of this water actually tasting good.

While I am always hopeful, it is difficult to stay positive when such a lack of style is shown in the bottle design. Judging a book by its cover is perfectly acceptable when that cover is capable of leaking harmful toxins into the pages and then you drink those pages. 

The water smells a bit tinny with a slight hint of Elmers glue. I believe this glue to be nontoxic so I am not worried about taking a sip. The taste unfortunately, is highly metallic, but not enough to cover the aftertaste -an undeniable jolt of burnt tire rubber. It truly boggles the mind when contemplating the history of this water but it is better not to think about such things lest my brain suffer the same fate as my tongue.

I will say this much -I am no longer bored now that my palate has been abused by PurAquas demonic stench-ridden water.

The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 1.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.

This water is not recommended for human consumption. Alternate recommended uses include splashing your limousine driver’s face to make sure he is still awake, wetting the kitchen floor to make sure your maid will able to keep her balance and subsequently clean the mess should the floor get wet otherwise, and pouring onto your ex-wife’s fresh perm. 

Tagged: PurAquabottlespring1.5 Crystal Goblets

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