Hurricanes and Bottled Water: Conspiracy
The supermarkets are packed to capacity as the masses prepare for a hurricane here in the Northeast. Relatively uncommon in this part of the world, the public has been instructed to over-prepare rather than suffer the consequences of doing too little. It is of course still impossible to tell with utmost certainty what mother nature has in store for New York City this Sunday.
Perhaps this hurricane will be one for the history books? Perhaps it will be nothing more than a stormy night unlike so many. The position of some is that hurricanes are nothing more than a conspiracy by the top 5 bottled water corporations of the world- Evian (Dadone Group), Aquafina (PepsiCo, Inc.), Perrier (Nestle S.A.), Dasani (Coca-Cola Company), and Volvic (AMI Imports).
This is not to claim that ALL hurricanes are myths and fear-mongering misinformation intended to panic the public into a water buying frenzy, but quite a many hurricanes are indeed collusion between the water bottling elite.
According to some statistics, four out of every five hurricane warnings occur after an unprofitable financial quarter for one of these five companies. As a means of recouping some of their losses, a company may set off a propaganda machine who’s purpose is to socially engineer the public mindset into a panicked and thirsty one.
The data behind this is difficult to attain. Once a hurricane does not actually occur, the companies may create false reports around the world as if there was indeed a hurricane. They have the financial means to rewrite history, alter newspaper headlines, and even falsify photographic evidence showing bright and sunny weather. The end goal is to be able to do it again. And again, and again.
My goal is not to convince the public to buy less water or rely on the tap system. Nor is my goal to elicit class warfare among the water consuming public and the water producing elite. My objective here is merely to educate the public, and to bring these discussions to the table and allow for an fully unbiased discussion of this nations weather and water.
Brooklyn Tap At Chinese Restaurant (free w/ Purchase of Meal)
I reviewed Manhattan tap in a previous post and wanted to compare between boroughs. I didn’t want a particular home’s piping interfering with my research and chose a public location as relatively neutral ground. The chosen location was a Chinese Restaurant called ‘Chinese Restaurant’ in Fort Greene, Brooklyn.
I must admit there was a language barrier that has caused a complication in my review. After ordering my meal, I asked the woman behind the counter for a cup of water. She understood my order without issue so I assumed this was also a commonly heard phrase that should cause no trouble. Either I was wrong or she intentionally deceived me because all of a sudden I found my self repeating ‘cup of tap water’ while pantomiming filling a cup from a faucet and drinking from it for several uncomfortable renditions. It was difficult to make out her final response but she left, seemingly to get my water, so I didn’t dwell on it.
Upon her return, she brought back the shallow container pictured above, filled half way with water. In retrospect, I believe she may have said “for your dog?” and I may have replied in the affirmative. I clearly used it myself however, and she watched with no objections. The water was no doubt tainted by the plastic and the container was not favorable to proper analytical drinking technique.
A new review of Brooklyn tap will come at an alternate location but for now I shall provide a brief summary of this putrid, tainted, and degrading tap water for fellow ‘Chinese Restaurant’ customers.
The water was on the salty side leading me to suspect the container had been previously used for soy sause and poorly cleaned. Aside from the soy and plastic overtaking the taste buds, I noticed hints of copper, baking soda, and burnt hair. I hope this is not the case for all of Brooklyn because this is not what I call gentrification.
The Water Connoisseur gives this tap 0.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.
This water is not recommended for human consumption. Recommended alternate uses are washing eye glasses of Guantanamo Bay detainees, splashing in the face of a woman in the midst of a fit of hysteria, and mixing with soap to fill a bubble blowing children’s toy.
