The Water Connoisseur is Back With a Review of NY2O Water 591mL Bottle ($3.89)
I have been away from my duties for 3 full months and it is with no levity that I take such a hiatus. Never would I, by my own accord, deprive the endearing public of the vital information this blog provides.
It is with my first review back that I shall explain the circumstances under which I have left this void in the blogosphere.
NY2O water was my review of choice 3 months ago after I had seen a bottle at a popular New York gift shop. I was in a rush so I placed it in my top frame briefcase, proceeded to hale a yellow-cab, and decided to review the bottle on my ride across town. I wish I could describe the scent upon lifting the cap, but it is difficult for me to do so because of a limited recollection as well as severe emotional discomfort. As was explained to me much later on, I carefully wafted the contents of the bottle and immediately fell into a deep coma.
My palate has been trained to such a heightened sensitivity that the toxins within this water made my brain shut off as a defense mechanism, preventing me from harming my own body with any further intake.
Lacking any immediate family here in the states, I awoke alone at Beth Israel medical center- only my familiar briefcase within my eye line. I opened it up for clues and found my laptop as well as the NY2O bottle. Never running from my duties, it was by pure visceral instinct that I opened the bottle and prepared to write a review. I took a sip of the water and immediately fell into a second coma, this time for two full months.
So now you understand that it was by no personal choice, and merely from the very dedication to my duty, that I have been absent for such an inexcusable duration. I beg the forgiveness of my readers, but this is one review I must delve into no further. I have no choice but to rate this water based on technicality.
The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 1.5 Crystal Goblets out of 5.
This water is not recommended for human consumption. Alternate recommended uses include drowning subway rats, ash tray filler, and as a general instrument of death in the Obamacare mandatory euthenization plan.
