Simplify Water 500mL Bottle ($2.79/24pk)
A friend of mine had recently invested in a 24pack of Simplify Water bottles at a local Rite Aid. They were discounted for a few weeks and of course the average consumer does not consider the degradation in quality that is often associated with frugal water shopping.
Steven, my thrifty friend, offered myself and other guests at his soiree a bottle. I explained to him that this water is clearly beneath my standards but that I would review it as long as he would consider discarding the water if it is deemed unworthy.
Upon lifting the cap, I caught a subtle waft of kitty litter and nail polish remover. The factories that bottle these things often go through various products and of course the more shoddy plants do a poor job of decontamination. I took a sip nonetheless and was not surprised when the taste left my tongue in a sad state of disarray. I apologized after gagging amongst company and explained that my palate is simply more sensitive than the lay man consumer. My recent hospitalization story was certainly evidence enough.
Per our agreement, I drained the remainder of the 24pack into the sink and told everyone they were welcome to my services. I would say the Water Connoisseur was once again the life of a party.
The Water Connoisseur gives this bottle 1 Crystal Goblet out of 5.
This water is not recommended for human consumption. Alternate recommended uses include humidifying your guest house, testing gutter systems, and soaking rags used to cool feverish gypsies.
